Monday, November 25, 2013

My last post is bittersweet.  Little did I know that my visit to the vet with Sadie would be a premonition from my last blog post.  Last Tuesday my husband took Sadie to the vet to get to the bottom of what was causing some of the issues we were having with her.  Three months ago we brought home our new baby boy and thought that maybe some of the things she was doing were her way of acting out and showing us she was mad.  She was starting to pee anywhere and everywhere and poop anyplace she wanted.  We would find little poo's all over that she seemingly just left behind because she didn't care.  We thought maybe she had another bladder infection because she was peeing on anything she wanted, but there wasn't any blood like in the past.  Something wasn't right, but we just didn't know what. 

About a month ago I noticed she was starting to walk.. funny... Something was just off in her walk.  I would call it more of a waddle in the back.  Her tail didn't lay right.  She stopped jumping up on the couch, our lap, our bed, but she was still going up and down the stairs.  If she did jump up it would only be by her using her front claws to pull herself up.  I couldn't help but feel something wasn't right and that it was possibly also causing her to be peeing all over, but I couldn't figure out the pooping all over.. Our neighbor thought it was because she was mad at us.. but something just didn't seem right. 

My husband took her in on Tuesday and called to say they didn't realize he wanted to see the vet in the morning so they had her scheduled as a drop off.  I would need to pick her up that night.  I was hesitant because I like him to make the decisions on what tests they do and whatnot and I would need someone to watch the baby. 

My sister watched the baby and I took the cat carrier to get go Sadie just like I did last Spring.  When I the vet came in she was carrying her laptop with no Sadie to be seen.  In the past Sadie would be the first to come in and then maybe a folder or a vet tech, but never just a computer and no cat.  I figured this may not be good news.  The only thing I could say was "This isn't good news is it" to which I only received silence and a shake of the head. 

Our vet showed me Sadie's X-ray comparing her vertebrae to last years vertebrae.  One of them had a fuzzy hazy look to it.  Then our vet said 'She has bone cancer and it's eaten away one of her vertebrae... she's in a lot of pain".  My heart sunk.  She was in pain.. we had no idea. 

The bone cancer struck quickly.  Like I said it was only very soon after bringing the baby home that Sadie slowly stopped jumping up on things, but we didn't think it could have anything to do with the other problems.  The cancer took over so much of the vertebrae her spinal cord and nerves were damaged.  This is why her walk was off, tail fell funny, and she no longer had control over her bladder or bowels.  She didn't mean to be peeing or pooing all over.. it just was coming out of her.  The X-ray also showed her stomach was empty.. She hadn't eaten in 24 hours.  We only had a few days left.  I was given 4 days worth of morphine to give her and told we should schedule to bring her back Friday or Saturday to put her down because she was just in too much pain. 

I will say Morphine is a cruel trick of a drug.  While on the morphine it was like we had a kitten version of Sadie.  She ran, jumped, and seemed to be almost how she was before.  She looked absolutely fine.  How could she possibly be in pain.  It wasn't until I saw her in her litter box trying to pee with nothing coming out when I knew the vet was right.  We had to say goodbye.   

We gave her as much love as you could possibly give the last few days.  She had tuna everyday, wet cat food, tons of kitty treats, ice cream, catnip, toys, love, love, love and more love.  Her last night we got non-toxic ink and decorated white picture frames with her paw prints so that we could put a picture of her in it to remember her.  We hugged, kissed, loved, and cried over her.  We told her we loved her and how much we would miss her.  We went back and forth over.. do we really have to do this.. is she really in pain... yes.. this is the right thing to do. 

The day before taking her in I knew I needed to do as much cleaning as I possibly could while she was still around.  I knew I wouldn't be able to do it after she was gone without having some type of breakdown.  I vacuumed her room, cleaned out her litter box, and picked up any and all litter box pellets I saw anywhere in the house so as not to set off a breakdown later on.

On Saturday we both took her in.  Paid the bill first (super awkward).  Signed the papers.  Told her we loved her and would always love her and finally released her pain. 

We buried her in the backyard in a corner where we have a new plum tree growing.  She will be safe there.  We put some of my pink hello kitty fleece down under her and added her toy wand she loved, bunny toy, and catnip ball.  I like to think she is playing with them on the other side of the rainbow bridge.  Or maybe she's running around with past animals I lost in my childhood.  For those she left behind we will go on, but always miss her.  I still expect her to be at the top of the stairs every time I get ready to go up.  I can't go in her room without crying, and expect to hear her meowing through the day.  Our hearts are heavy, but it helps knowing she is in a better place.